Feminist here : ]
Before I rant. Do you think a relationship with bad sex or void of sex will last in the long run? Do you think it hurts a relationship to be blocked on the physical level of intimacy ? Do you think it does not matter? How do you think this would affect a relationship?
Now for the long rant…
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So I was just giving one of my friends advice because she says her bf is horrible in bed. He doesn’t last very long, sometimes he comes within seconds of her touching him. When he does manage to hold out for a short period of time, his technique fails. I kind of wanted her to video tape so I could see what he was doing wrong. lol
I have always had relationships with guys who had good equipment and knew how to use it well and because I am such an open person about sex, I am not shy about talking about what works, what doesn’t, and how I think it should work. Which brings me to her fault in the relationship. Communication is key to building on good sex and making it amazing. She doesn’t communicate with him. She is very insecure about things and she doesn’t like talking about sex. She tells him that some women can come so easily within seconds even and she is one of them. She tells him that he is great in bed but then calls me up to rant. She says that she loves him and there are more important things. Sex is not important to her, and she wants to marry him. She is also worried about making him feel bad and making him angry.
Umm…yeah. I disagree. lol I think love is great. I love my bf more than words can describe but sex is important. Sex is an expresion of love on a physical level, it can be spiritual and connect two people(or more whatever floats your boat) on the most basic primal level that we often forget as civilized people…and most importantly there is coming involved!!!!! Even if I was with a guy who sucked in bed, I would train him and COMMUNICATE with him. That’s the only way to help your situation and I think she would be so much happier if she just stopped being so uptight and talked to him.
I think lack of sex – good sex -hinders a relationship somewhere down the line and can manifest in resentment.
So what do you all think?
5 responses so far ↓
1 lipgloss-junkie // Mar 31, 2010 at 6:34 am
No, but bad sex can be improved. This is up to them though. You can and should give your friend advice about communicating with her partner about sex, but that’s as far as your involvement should go. Certainly don’t have her video tape it and check back with you for notes. Not only would that probably not work as it’s hard to say whether your definition of good sex would be the same as theirs, it’s also creepy. And the kind of thing you could get sued over, if he doesn’t consent and then finds out.
2 Untamed Rose... // Mar 31, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I agree, bad sex/ no sex is a relationship killer.
Unless the people dont have a clue what good sex is…I suppose it could work then. (life of no O’s AHHHHHH)
As to her man, she can help him improve but she has got to be willing to risk ticking him off…to talk with him about this.(with the hope it doesnt go that way)
3 andangeles // Apr 3, 2010 at 10:37 pm
Yes, only if you truly love that person. Sex is really not that important.
4 Don F // Apr 6, 2010 at 7:53 am
Absolutely, the healthiest relationships involve couples having sex at least 3 times a week. and yes communication is 100% key, because it’s also a huge factor in the entirety of the relationship. You’re not likely to find a bigger opportunity for two people to bond than through a healthy sex life.
If they are having miserable sex, then there isn’t much of a way for them to outlet their stress. Probably the main reason why she is venting to you, she has no stress outlet. Lack of sex and lack of communication is a marriage killer, I guarantee they’ll be divorced within 3 years if they ever marry.
@above posters: do you honestly think that this marriage has a chance? A snowflake’s in hell maybe. If the guy has the inability to perceive whether his woman is enjoying herself in bed, how much perception do you think the guy is going to have for the rest of the marriage?
5 amare // Apr 8, 2010 at 6:31 am
Yes! Sex is VERY important in a relationship. If both people are not sexually satisfied; you can forget it. The relationship will not last. If you want a good relationship it is necessary to have and maintain open and honest communication about sex. Each person is turned off and on by different things so if you do not communicate with your partner about what works and does not work the odds of having good sex is slim to none. Sex is a beautiful way to express your feelings for your partner!
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